The smell of fresh grease always brings back memories of dad…my nose now recognizing the smell: fast food. Dad was home.
I added this sentence near the beginning of my story. It adds details about Joey's dad physically while letting us know how Joey is reminded of his father. It also helps add to the family's problem of obesity. It shows the source of the problem.
Later I did the "Whats at Stake" exercise and gathered that popularity and football as well as health are at stake for Joey. These things begin to mean more and more to him as the story goes on.
Lastly I did "With revision comes final meaning" I added a last sentence to my story that says "Determination makes all the difference”, he said quietly. I then went back through and made sure Joey's struggle with weight loss backed this last sentence and added more value to it.
After doing these exercises I realized my story was a summary. I changed a lot of it so it didn't say "he did this" but said "I did this". I also realized I needed to add a little more struggle within dialogue.
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